Getting Piggy With It

It was a 130-pound hog, eight men and a lady. One of the men is a professionally trained chef. It was the fourth time this was happening (once, it was a whole lamb). Just like before, the entire pig was finagled surreptitiously from the abattoir on the pretext that it was to be used for a prayer ritual (there is no other way to buy an animal intact in Singapore). That was no lie - a hog roast is a very religious, very sacred undertaking. It was the Tao of Pig.

Can you pig it?

On the eve of the roast, all gathered around the pig and rubbed, kneaded, massaged salt and lemon into the pig for four hours. The pig remained unharmed, except for an insinuation of salt and spices into its surface; the human hands were exfoliated and raw. The pig was then left to marinate in its fate overnight and at 8am the next day, hoisted onto a grill over a slow pit fire. Everyone then retired onto deckchairs by the pool and drank microbrews from plastic cups. At noon, a lunch of kway chap (a local Singaporean dish of braised pig's innards, comprising of stomach and intestines) was served. After which, the pig was flipped and it was back to the deckchairs, beers and pool.

The in crowd.

While the pig is roasting, you should note that for hundreds of years, the problem of feeding large crowds on special occasions is typically resolved by cooking an entire animal, the act of which is often the focus of the celebration. The success of a roast is highly dependent on a well-made fire - charcoal is best. And the carcass - well, choose a beast the way you would select your life partner. Young and well-bred, for tasty and tender meat (for old and heavy bodies are sure to turn out dry and tough). It is advised that a pig for roasting weigh no more than 50 pounds, less than half of this pig's mass. Big pig = larger margin for error, but inviting a crowd to a hog roast and running out of meat is like the Cubs getting bumped out of the playoffs three games in. As a general rule, a dressed animal will yield 50 percent of its weight in cooked meat. You should allow up to a pound of meat for each invited friend, more or less, depending on how savage they are.

Well, enough of it! On with the actual pig tales:

N.F.L. pig skin - Naturally Fat Loaded.

 The fastest way to impress your guests is to perfect the crackling to a salty crisp.

Pork chop - cut perpendicularly to the spine from the shoulders, containing the most muscle and thus, leanest.

Loin and side belly chopped up and caroused with a chimicchuri concoction. Finger foods - dig in with your digits.

It's a wrap - taco al pastor.

Where do you think you're going, Charlie Trotter? No part - not an ounce - of this pig was to be wasted.

My mom brought home a bag of Mr. Pig's ears, tail, feet and everything else you wouldn't eat off the carcass, (Except for the head - that's for the sausage factory) and transformed the scraps into this work of art - chai buey. Literally meaning "leftovers", this Chinese-Malay garbage bin is a perfect post-festivities hangover stew where everything you don't want in the kitchen is thrown into a cauldron with pickled mustard greens and an olio of vegetables, with dashes of tamarind skins for a slightly sour tinge to neutralize the salt.

A real pig out.

Game over, piggly wiggly. Thank you for playing.

Beers: Tui East India Pale Ale (New Zealand) - like a Newcastle for humidity with caramel tones and lots of carbonation and Wychcraft Blonde Beer (UK) - fruity and honeyish, heavier, so better for when the evening went on.